J left for Paris yesterday and although I didn't see her everyday before, it was comforting to know that at worst, she was just a phone call away. I was thinking today about friends and how real friendships are so hard to come by.... I'm quite picky and reserved and although I can like someone and get along well with them, it seldom lasts for the long haul. For example when I was studying last term, I had a couple of people that I talked with almost everyday, and we were for the moment quite close. Now I don't speak to those people at all, and it makes me wonder if the friendships were only based on or because of what we had in common and not who we are as individuals. The friends I do have that I consider family, I can count on one hand. But I'll take quality over quantity anyday
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Real friends
Still not feeling very well although I'm very glad I pushed myself at the gym yesterday evening. Math test went well also ( I think!) Today I spent the day trying to rest, watching series, and catching up on mails and such.
J left for Paris yesterday and although I didn't see her everyday before, it was comforting to know that at worst, she was just a phone call away. I was thinking today about friends and how real friendships are so hard to come by.... I'm quite picky and reserved and although I can like someone and get along well with them, it seldom lasts for the long haul. For example when I was studying last term, I had a couple of people that I talked with almost everyday, and we were for the moment quite close. Now I don't speak to those people at all, and it makes me wonder if the friendships were only based on or because of what we had in common and not who we are as individuals. The friends I do have that I consider family, I can count on one hand. But I'll take quality over quantity anyday
J left for Paris yesterday and although I didn't see her everyday before, it was comforting to know that at worst, she was just a phone call away. I was thinking today about friends and how real friendships are so hard to come by.... I'm quite picky and reserved and although I can like someone and get along well with them, it seldom lasts for the long haul. For example when I was studying last term, I had a couple of people that I talked with almost everyday, and we were for the moment quite close. Now I don't speak to those people at all, and it makes me wonder if the friendships were only based on or because of what we had in common and not who we are as individuals. The friends I do have that I consider family, I can count on one hand. But I'll take quality over quantity anyday
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Internet down!
We've had some problems with the internet and modem, and right now the wireless internet isn't working, which means I can't get online from my laptop :( Ok, technically I can, but I hate cables and don't want to have to use one!
I've been feeling kind of sickly and unwell the last couple of days, extra tired and unenergized. I'm off to take another math test this evening and see if I feel up to going to the gym afterwards. Since it's my day off tomorrow I might get lucky and actually sleep in till 07.00!! :D Will see how I feel after my test.
I've been feeling kind of sickly and unwell the last couple of days, extra tired and unenergized. I'm off to take another math test this evening and see if I feel up to going to the gym afterwards. Since it's my day off tomorrow I might get lucky and actually sleep in till 07.00!! :D Will see how I feel after my test.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
How I became stupid
By Martin Page.
Just received my package from Amazon and looking forward to reading!
Movie and McDonalds
Today Aislynn and I went to see the new movie "Lorax" at the cinema. I always dread the idea of going into the center of Stockholm on the weekends - sooo many people packed into one space. I had forgotten this weekend was pay weekend also - lucky me. It turned out not to be as bad as I thought though, once I mentally prepared for walking the snail walk behind people and standing patiently in line at the cashiers. We went into Stadium before the movie and found a pair of shoes that Ais liked. The line downstairs was about 25 people, and no one thought about going up one floor to the cashiers up there, except me of course. Upstairs : 2 people in front of me in the line.
It's harder to shop for Ais now, especially when it comes to shoes, she has her own ideas of what looks good and what's comfortable, but at the same time, hates going shopping - hope that lasts through the teen years, but I doubt it! After the movie, which was entertaining, we stopped for a bite at McDonalds before heading home.
M is away this evening and I am quite looking forward to having some me time, maybe read a book, or watch some of my series, and have a glass of wine and my thoughts to myself. Happy Saturday evening!
It's harder to shop for Ais now, especially when it comes to shoes, she has her own ideas of what looks good and what's comfortable, but at the same time, hates going shopping - hope that lasts through the teen years, but I doubt it! After the movie, which was entertaining, we stopped for a bite at McDonalds before heading home.
M is away this evening and I am quite looking forward to having some me time, maybe read a book, or watch some of my series, and have a glass of wine and my thoughts to myself. Happy Saturday evening!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Yesterday i was woken up by my phone ringing and it turned out to be in response to one of the jobs I had applied for awhile back. The woman sounded positive and we worked out that I would come in for an interview next week! Totally unexpected, but a really nice way to start the day, not to mention being a great confidence booster.
On my way to work and all afternoon/evening yesterday I had a monstrous headache. I don't usually get headaches, which I am very grateful for, but this one was painful and numbing. I don't like taking aspirin either. I don't like taking any kind of medicine unless it's absolutely necessary. I believe in taking good care of my body, eating properly and allowing the immune system to build up a defense. Anyhoo, I did eventually take some aspirin just before going to sleep, so I could actually fall asleep. I still have somewhat of a lingering headache today, but hopefully it's just traces from yesterday. On today's to-do list is math, gym and then off to work in the afternoon.
On my way to work and all afternoon/evening yesterday I had a monstrous headache. I don't usually get headaches, which I am very grateful for, but this one was painful and numbing. I don't like taking aspirin either. I don't like taking any kind of medicine unless it's absolutely necessary. I believe in taking good care of my body, eating properly and allowing the immune system to build up a defense. Anyhoo, I did eventually take some aspirin just before going to sleep, so I could actually fall asleep. I still have somewhat of a lingering headache today, but hopefully it's just traces from yesterday. On today's to-do list is math, gym and then off to work in the afternoon.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
One of my favorite dinners
I also picked up T in the afternoon, the little girl I take care of one weekend a month. The evening was really relaxed with the kids watching movies and eating chips and us grownups having a cozy dinner. Happiness.
First run of the year!
It's grey and muggy today, but I really wanted to feel like I'd accomplished something today, (besides relaxing of course!) so M and I went out for a run. My usual route that's partially through the forest,was still covered in ice, so we took a shorter way. The result : 5km in 33 min.
Considering I feel out of shape now and I know what I have been able to run in the past, I can be happy with that and work on improving.
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| Imagine living by the beach, being able to run on the beach in the sun..... well I can dream |
Bowling!
Thursday evening I met up with a good friend I hadn't seen in a while, a friend of hers, and J and we had a really great girls night out! My friend had pre-booked us as a team for Birka Bowling's Ladies night. We laughed a lot, missed a few, hit more than a few strikes and had dinner afterward. I haven't been out in ages, and this was exactly what I needed!
Since we all lead busy, working lives, it's hard sometimes to find the time to meet up and get to chat, but it's always a good sign of friendship to find that you when you meet a friend you haven't seen in a while, you can just pick up exactly where you left off, like no time has passed.
Since we all lead busy, working lives, it's hard sometimes to find the time to meet up and get to chat, but it's always a good sign of friendship to find that you when you meet a friend you haven't seen in a while, you can just pick up exactly where you left off, like no time has passed.Thursday, March 15, 2012
Mysfika
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Couldn't be bothered to hit the gym yesterday, instead I attacked and defeated the pile of dishes in the kitchen sink. But then I regretted it the whole day and had a guilty conscience about not exercising, when I did actually have time to go. We have a system where I am responsible for cooking and washing dishes and my other half does the vacuuming, dusting, bathroom, and all other house cleaning. So since I worked the weekend, so my dear family let all the dishes pile up, just waiting for me. So thoughtful!
Today is going to be a better day and I will go to the gym. I've spent the last hour doing math and looking up stuff online. I'm looking for tickets to Paris to visit J who will be doing a 3-month internship there. So I have an excuse and an opportunity to travel someplace I've never been before! The sun is shining today and it feels like spring, even though it's still monstrously cold outside and wonder-of-wonders, they have already begun sweeping up all the sand and gravel off the pathways! Can't remember that ever being done before April-May for as long as I've lived in this apartment! That really helps everything feel more like spring, and also means we can get out and parade about in nice shoes, without worrying about the soles or heels being destroyed- yay!
Working tonight, but looking forward very much to being free this weekend.
Today is going to be a better day and I will go to the gym. I've spent the last hour doing math and looking up stuff online. I'm looking for tickets to Paris to visit J who will be doing a 3-month internship there. So I have an excuse and an opportunity to travel someplace I've never been before! The sun is shining today and it feels like spring, even though it's still monstrously cold outside and wonder-of-wonders, they have already begun sweeping up all the sand and gravel off the pathways! Can't remember that ever being done before April-May for as long as I've lived in this apartment! That really helps everything feel more like spring, and also means we can get out and parade about in nice shoes, without worrying about the soles or heels being destroyed- yay!
Working tonight, but looking forward very much to being free this weekend.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Took a leap
Today I finally decided to talk to my top boss and ask if I can switch to another ward. I've been thinking about it for some time, talking to some people but mostly I just want to get out from under the thumb of my group leader. Usually I can shake most stuff off, work through stressful situations and get the job done. I could tolerate the general incompetence, but the underlying attitude than we are somehow beneath her and her inability to prioritize properly, not to mention continually making our job more difficult with constant interruptions about trivial things, has become more than I can or want to deal with.
So I've had enough. I want to be happy going to work, despite the fact that it's not my dream job, and despite the fact that I don't plan on being at it forever, I want most of my days to be good days, I want to have the support and cooperation from the higher ups that I need and I'm hoping that a change will provide that. It is taking a leap because I don't know yet where I'll end up and I really do love the girls I work with, I get along with them all and we're a good team. But when it comes down to it I have to think about me, life's too short to spend so much of my time feeling frustrated, stunted and unappreciated.
So I've had enough. I want to be happy going to work, despite the fact that it's not my dream job, and despite the fact that I don't plan on being at it forever, I want most of my days to be good days, I want to have the support and cooperation from the higher ups that I need and I'm hoping that a change will provide that. It is taking a leap because I don't know yet where I'll end up and I really do love the girls I work with, I get along with them all and we're a good team. But when it comes down to it I have to think about me, life's too short to spend so much of my time feeling frustrated, stunted and unappreciated.
So I've been a bit absent from my blog lately. I can't say that I've had more to do than before, but I have had a couple of down days. I've been sad and restless. I've been apathetic and tired of life's endless struggle and I also from time to time have to fight demons from my past and come to terms with the fact that I still don't have complete acceptance of the way my life has turned out thus far. Sometimes I feel like I've already lived a whole other life. 10 or 15 years ago seems like another lifetime, on another planet and I wonder about the choices I've made and how I ended up here.
Being that it's spring and all, I suppose like the changing of seasons I feel the need to clear out the winter and the stagnation and all the things that I feel I've been not focused enough on. All the sunshine and light is a good source of energy and I feel more inspiration to deal with things that I haven't really felt up to taking care of before.
Another thing: I've been avoiding driving. I haven't really wanted to admit it, but ever since I lost control of my car on the ice and crashed into the railing on the highway, I've been scared. That feeling of being completely helpless and spinning out of control has made me really nervous and I haven't wanted to deal with the fact that I was in shock after the crash and I haven't been too good at properly processing. That being said - I drove this weekend. One small step for mankind, one giant leap for me! I'm not sure what happened or what changed, maybe it was the fact that I was more tired than normal and dreading getting up extra early to make the bus and get to work on time on the weekend, when the bus traffic is less than on other days, maybe I just got tired of feeling like a coward, and then giving myself grief for not being brave enough, I don't know. But I did it. I realize this doesn't sound like a great accomplishment for anyone else who has been driving or hasn't had the same reservations as I have, but it's a big deal for me and I'm really proud of me for having accomplished it.
Being that it's spring and all, I suppose like the changing of seasons I feel the need to clear out the winter and the stagnation and all the things that I feel I've been not focused enough on. All the sunshine and light is a good source of energy and I feel more inspiration to deal with things that I haven't really felt up to taking care of before.
Another thing: I've been avoiding driving. I haven't really wanted to admit it, but ever since I lost control of my car on the ice and crashed into the railing on the highway, I've been scared. That feeling of being completely helpless and spinning out of control has made me really nervous and I haven't wanted to deal with the fact that I was in shock after the crash and I haven't been too good at properly processing. That being said - I drove this weekend. One small step for mankind, one giant leap for me! I'm not sure what happened or what changed, maybe it was the fact that I was more tired than normal and dreading getting up extra early to make the bus and get to work on time on the weekend, when the bus traffic is less than on other days, maybe I just got tired of feeling like a coward, and then giving myself grief for not being brave enough, I don't know. But I did it. I realize this doesn't sound like a great accomplishment for anyone else who has been driving or hasn't had the same reservations as I have, but it's a big deal for me and I'm really proud of me for having accomplished it.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Xbox, Math and gym
is what's on the agenda for today! We woke up to beautiful spring weather, the sun shinning and warming and a blue sky. After working 6 days in a row, it's really nice to have 4 days off and recuperate properly and catch up on sleep and other things.I couldn't be happier for spring!
I'm always amazed at how fast Ais is learning to master the xbox and other such controllers (she's wayyyy better than me!). Today she wanted me to help her play, and I had admit that I wouldn't be much help seeing as how she's mastered the game already!
Time to sit with my math book for a bit now and then it's off to the gym. Yesterday I had a really bad pain in the muscle right below my shoulder blade. It was so constricting that even breathing hurt, it feels better today, but it was a very clear reminder that I need to keep up with training to avoid injury, stiffness and pain.
A beautiful day..
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